Hello Dear Readers

Hello Dear Readers,
I hope you know I already love you and want the very best for you in everything, not just in relationships.
I am writing this at the request of my wonderful group of girl friends. I find nothing sadder or more frustrating than seeing women make the same mistakes, time after time. My dear friends S. and M. G. esp. have told me many times to write a book, but instead they get this – a blog!
My references and source materials are primarily, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, “ Steve Harvey; “Female Chauvanist Pigs: Rise of the Raunch Culture,” Ariel Levy; “He’s Just Not that Into You,” Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo; and “The Rules,” Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. Wait, wait wait! Don’t stop reading just because I mentioned that last one! All of these books have flaws and need to be tempered with your own wisdom and that of family and friends. Which leads me to my personal sources; my mother, sisters and bff T.
So, your girl friend has finally broken up with that dirt bag loser.
Judge not lest ye shall be judged. Ladies, please do not judge each other. Nothing hurts me more than seeing women make the same mistake time after time in relationships. However, it is important to remember that everyone comes from their own unique set of circumstances. Also, you do not know the whole story of someone else’s relationship. Empathize – yes, sympathize – yes, offer advice – yes, but never lecture or judge. If you have some tough love to give, careful. We know when we are being foolish, but we will ignore our common sense and defend our position to the end.
No matter how angry, fed up, over it your friend claims to be, her heart is still very fragile. The natural reaction is to tell her what a loser, dirt bag idiot said male was. But this is the same male whose actions you have been helping justify and explain and rationalize the whole time they were together (we will revisit this in a later posting be assured). And all of the sudden now you tell her how and why you hate the moron? Then, what happens when she goes back to the idiot? You are left in a very awkward postion. Your friend no longer feels comfortable telling you about the relationship and has lost an important confidant.
This is a fine line to tread. Especially when for the 500th time your lovely and talented friend goes back to her grubby, loser going nowhere idiot. I can’t count the number of times I have said to different friends, “well if you go back to him I don’t want to hear you complain.” And she says, “it’s different this time, he knows I’ll really leave and he’s changed/committed/stopped drinking/smoking/cheating….” Then when he’s comfortable again it all starts back up.
This is when I evolved my “non-involvement” policy. I listen, empathize, maybe offer advice but do not judge or lecture. This girl will have to either learn on her own or not. There is nothing you can do but be supportive. But that doesn’t mean make excuses for his behavior or rationalizing! Read, “He’s just not that into you!” Your girl friends, who should be your best allies, want to make you feel better so will help you make any number of excuses for your own idiot’s poor behavior. I will lecture you about this later. :)See – I am writing this so I get to lecture!