Clean Plate update
What began as a temporary raw-food restaurant and farm-to-table experiment in NoDo this summer will become a locally sourced vegan restaurant in south Omaha in the next three months.
Operator Elle Lien said Clean Plate — or Clean Plate GOOD FOOD, as the signs will read — should be open for lunch and dinner at 1801 Vinton St. by the new year.
Lien anticipates a small menu of all-vegan seasonally inspired fare. She said she'll carry over a few of the popular raw dishes from her monthlong occupation of the Empty Room. But most items will be cooked and the menu will change daily.
Lien said she's working to restore some of the building's historic details and plans a kitchen garden in the side yard. She said she'll share the building with Tugboat Presents, an Omaha offshoot of a Lincoln art gallery.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Good advice
Posted from email...
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the ending...compromise is a two way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLEindividuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.Right. Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Share this with otherwomen and men (just so they know)...You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
Love,
Me
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the ending...compromise is a two way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLEindividuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.Right. Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Share this with otherwomen and men (just so they know)...You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.
Love,
Me
:( Fail! Banana Soft serve
Oh boy - cloudy, rainy, dreary awful day. Plus, much catastrophe in the kitchen while I tried to make banana soft serve last night. Apparently, you should peel the bananas before you freeze them.... Sigh, it was like a scene from Bridget Jones when I tried to get them out of the peel.
Ok - bananas are cheap we will get more and try again. I think if the sun would come out everything would be ok. Fortunately, having wine with the girls tonight!
Ok - bananas are cheap we will get more and try again. I think if the sun would come out everything would be ok. Fortunately, having wine with the girls tonight!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Being a Vegan in Omaha, NE
Being a Vegan in Omaha, NE
Omaha has a surprising selection of stores and restaurants that are at least Vegan friendly, but not necessarily Vegan. I just wish there were more!
Here is a good link http://www.vegdining.com/Search.cfm
Restaurants:
Thai Spice locations all over town (best 108th and Maple) - can make nearly any dish with tofu. I have had their Bangkok Tofu and it is fantastic. I don’t know for certain that there is no diary, but I think the sauce is curry with coconut milk which is delicious and Vegan.
Blue Planet Natural Grill 67th and Center – is mainly healthy and organic but does have some Vegan dishes and lots of Vegetarian dishes. Their Thai rice bowl with tofu is amazing. They also have organic ketchup in lots of fancy flavors and even Vegan desserts! Yay! Also, love their social media marketing. We’re bff on lots of sites!
#1. McFosters Natural Kind Café 302 S. 38th St.- is the best place in town to go if you are Vegan. They have a lovely, casual ambience and healthy nourishing food. Lots of Vegan and Vegetarian dishes and a few with animals if you bring an omni. I brought my (now ex) boyfriend and he really enjoyed it – although he did have chicken.
Stores:
No Name Nutrition Store – 2032 N 72nd
I can’t remember what it’s called but shop on SS of 61st and Maple
#1. Whole Foods – Regency Plaza; They have the best selection and diverse if you need to feed omni’s as well.
Omaha has a surprising selection of stores and restaurants that are at least Vegan friendly, but not necessarily Vegan. I just wish there were more!
Here is a good link http://www.vegdining.com/Search.cfm
Restaurants:
Thai Spice locations all over town (best 108th and Maple) - can make nearly any dish with tofu. I have had their Bangkok Tofu and it is fantastic. I don’t know for certain that there is no diary, but I think the sauce is curry with coconut milk which is delicious and Vegan.
Blue Planet Natural Grill 67th and Center – is mainly healthy and organic but does have some Vegan dishes and lots of Vegetarian dishes. Their Thai rice bowl with tofu is amazing. They also have organic ketchup in lots of fancy flavors and even Vegan desserts! Yay! Also, love their social media marketing. We’re bff on lots of sites!
#1. McFosters Natural Kind Café 302 S. 38th St.- is the best place in town to go if you are Vegan. They have a lovely, casual ambience and healthy nourishing food. Lots of Vegan and Vegetarian dishes and a few with animals if you bring an omni. I brought my (now ex) boyfriend and he really enjoyed it – although he did have chicken.
Stores:
No Name Nutrition Store – 2032 N 72nd
I can’t remember what it’s called but shop on SS of 61st and Maple
#1. Whole Foods – Regency Plaza; They have the best selection and diverse if you need to feed omni’s as well.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Banana Soft Serve
I am going to try to make banana soft serve (recipe found on See Sarah Eat) tonight! I have also been enjoying the coconut Bliss ice cream but this is going to be way better!Below the frozen bananas are containers of the Vegan chicken noodle soup I made the other day.
Vegan MoFo – Fiesta Brown Rice Salad and Vegan Pizza
Vegan MoFo – Fiesta Brown Rice Salad and Vegan Pizza
Pizza!
I finally made a successful Vegan Pizza!!! It was awesome – the cheese melted and everything!! Woo-hoo!! My first attempt several weeks ago was not good – I managed to have both a burnt and soggy crust and non melted cheese. Terrible! Then I found a recipe on-line and I feel terrible but I can’t reference here I have looked all over! I will try to find it an add it in later. The blogger had the great advice to cook the veggies first as the mushrooms can make your crust soggy. Also, I invested in a cheese shredder and the cheese (Follow Your Heart Mozzarella Cheese) melted perfectly. Although, my inspiration said you may need to broil the pizza to melt and brown the cheese, I didn’t find it necessary. I sautéed in safflower oil (I use safflower oil in place of olive oil because it is still healthy at high heats), fresh mushrooms and cut up Ives Deli style Ham. IN another pan I sautéed (in safflower oil) frozen “stoplight” peppers. I put these in another pan because frozen peppers (also onions) release a ton of water when cooking and you will need to drain them several times. Also, my bff T had the great suggestion of soaking up the excess water with a paper towel. Worked perfectly – you want them as dry as possible or your pizza will get soggy. I purchased tomato paste but I didn’t like that at all so ended up just brushing the crust with olive oil. I used a stone ground wheat crust that I found near the bakery department at Whole Foods. I then piled on the toppings and grated “cheese” over the top.
Oh no! I forgot I have some really lovely vegan parmesan cheese that I could have used. Boo!
Sorry about that! I’m back. Anyway, it turned out really nicely and my roommate and I ate the whole thing. It really would be enough for three people.
Fiesta Brown Rice Salad
I also made this recipe I got from the e-newsletter of WHFoods (World’s Healthiest Foods) by George Mateljan. Honestly, I get the vibe that he is a bit of a creep show but the recipes are often healthy and very good. I’m just going to include it here and then tell you about my modifications.
WHFoods: Fiesta Brown Rice Salad
Fiesta Brown Rice Salad
This health-promoting rice salad not only tastes great but can supply 114% of
your Daily Value (DV) for manganese, 141% DV for vitamin C and 26% DV for
magnesium to your Healthiest Way of Eating.
Prep and Cook Time: 50 minutes -includes cooking time for rice
Ingredients:
4 cups cooked brown rice
1 medium red bell pepper, diced
1 medium green bell pepper, diced
1 cup corn
1 cup black beans
your favorite vinaigrette
1 tsp ground cumin
pinch of cayenne
2 TBS chopped cilantro
Directions:
Combine 4 cups cooked brown rice, diced bell peppers, corn, and black beans.
Toss with your favorite vinaigrette.
Add 1 tsp cumin seed and a pinch of cayenne to dressing. Sprinkle rice salad
with chopped cilantro
Serves 4
© 2001-2009 The George Mateljan Foundation
The only real difference is that I only had one green pepper and so I used the left over sautéed peppers from the pizza (I purposely made extra). Also, I always put 1 tbsp of safflower oil in my rice while cooking. And of course I added lots of cracked pepper and celtic sea salt to everything! I also put extra cilantro in because I really love cilantro. I think adding red onion and tomato would be very good and I will try that next time.
It turned out really nicely and my roommate loved it too. She did pick out all the raw green peppers so next time I will keep those separate. I had it for lunch again today and it was still very good. I actually warmed it up a little which was nice. I am currently reading, “The China Study” so I am going to be limiting my protein for awhile. Although, so far it sounds like plant protein is ok I am not taking any chances!
Vegan MoFo III – Thai peanut “chicken” and Yams with Apple Butter
Vegan MoFo III – Thai peanut “chicken” and Yams with Apple Butter
Thai Peanut “Chicken”
This recipe owes a lot to my dear friend MG. She made something very similar and I totally stole it and made it my own.
I took WestSoy Thai Peanut tofu and cut into squares. I sautéed it in peanut oil (1 tbsp) with: squash, zucchini, baby carrots, red onion, garlic, Brussels sprouts and mushrooms. I topped it with a dash of sesame oil (less than 1 tsp), celtic sea salt and liberal amounts of cracked peppercorns. I also think fresh ginger would be excellent – but I didn’t have any. Then I put it over brown rice.
You could really add any vegetables you wanted for your own version. I am thinking of making it again with asparagus and whole mushrooms. It was also very pretty. I need to remember to take pictures of these dishes. I love to make very colorful dishes and the carrots, zucchini and squash really added nice color. It was fun, easy to make and very delicious. I feed my roommate too and she also loved it.
Yams with Apple Butter
Since my recent breakup my cousin and her husband have been really great about inviting me over for dinner. Usually, I bring my own food and something we can all eat since they are omni. It was so nice on Sunday, they specifically made a dish that I could eat. We had this fantastic, yummy spinach salad with toasted almonds and walnuts, dried cranberries and mandarin oranges. Mmmm.. so good! I just skipped the dressing and didn’t even miss it. I brought over bread which we dipped in olive oil with salt and cracked pepper.
They also made yams and I brought cinnamon and natural (and organic) apple butter. It was so delicious! I made sure to get apple butter without added sugar (I only use a handful of sweeteners: agave, natural fruit juice, evaporated cane juice etc) and it was still very sweet and tangy. It just added a lovely zest to the yams. My cousin also made the yams in the oven which I am far too lazy and impatient to do (5-7 minutes in the microwave)… The meal was so lovely and colorful. Perfect for fall! Next I am going to try apple butter and cinnamon over frozen (organic) butternut squash. I read a recipe for that that sounds simple and easy (microwave the squash, mash it up, add apple butter and cinnamon).
Tonight - I am going to try Vegan Pizza and maybe "Fiesta Brown Rice Salad"
Thai Peanut “Chicken”
This recipe owes a lot to my dear friend MG. She made something very similar and I totally stole it and made it my own.
I took WestSoy Thai Peanut tofu and cut into squares. I sautéed it in peanut oil (1 tbsp) with: squash, zucchini, baby carrots, red onion, garlic, Brussels sprouts and mushrooms. I topped it with a dash of sesame oil (less than 1 tsp), celtic sea salt and liberal amounts of cracked peppercorns. I also think fresh ginger would be excellent – but I didn’t have any. Then I put it over brown rice.
You could really add any vegetables you wanted for your own version. I am thinking of making it again with asparagus and whole mushrooms. It was also very pretty. I need to remember to take pictures of these dishes. I love to make very colorful dishes and the carrots, zucchini and squash really added nice color. It was fun, easy to make and very delicious. I feed my roommate too and she also loved it.
Yams with Apple Butter
Since my recent breakup my cousin and her husband have been really great about inviting me over for dinner. Usually, I bring my own food and something we can all eat since they are omni. It was so nice on Sunday, they specifically made a dish that I could eat. We had this fantastic, yummy spinach salad with toasted almonds and walnuts, dried cranberries and mandarin oranges. Mmmm.. so good! I just skipped the dressing and didn’t even miss it. I brought over bread which we dipped in olive oil with salt and cracked pepper.
They also made yams and I brought cinnamon and natural (and organic) apple butter. It was so delicious! I made sure to get apple butter without added sugar (I only use a handful of sweeteners: agave, natural fruit juice, evaporated cane juice etc) and it was still very sweet and tangy. It just added a lovely zest to the yams. My cousin also made the yams in the oven which I am far too lazy and impatient to do (5-7 minutes in the microwave)… The meal was so lovely and colorful. Perfect for fall! Next I am going to try apple butter and cinnamon over frozen (organic) butternut squash. I read a recipe for that that sounds simple and easy (microwave the squash, mash it up, add apple butter and cinnamon).
Tonight - I am going to try Vegan Pizza and maybe "Fiesta Brown Rice Salad"
Vegan MoFo II – Vegan Chicken Noodle Soup
Vegan MoFo II – Vegan Chicken Noodle Soup
I am feeling under the weather so I made Vegan “chicken” noodle soup. I found three different recipes on-line and combined them at will. I used Chicken style Seitan in place of Chicken and No Chicken Broth and No Chicken bouillion. Then you have to look very hard for eggless egg noodles. Other than that the recipe is basically the same as regular Chicken Noodle soup. I did add carrots and celery and celtic sea salt and lots of ground pepper. Also fresh garlic. It tastes awesome and I swear that I immediately felt better. It made a ridiculous amount of food so I put most of it in Tupperware are put in the freezer (I will add a pic later). It re-heats very nicely from frozen.
Here are the links to the three recipes I combined. I couldn’t find all the items and am lazy so I took the items I could find and were easy to prepare from each recipe. Also, I don’t like onion in CNS (but love it otherwise), I think it overpowers the other flavors.
http://www.chooseveg.com/display_recipe.asp?recipe=13
vegfrugalhousewife.com/2008/.../vegan-chicken-noodle-soup/
www.bexn.net/2006/12/vegetarian-chicken-noodle-soup.html
Mostly I followed the recipe from Choose Veg: but I omitted the onion and used baby carrots cut in half – because I’m lazy. Also, I didn’t dice the celery, I cut it across (the short way) like you normally see celery. Then I used chicken style seitan because that is what I could find and I couldn’t find Mueller’s “dumpling” noodles so I grabbed the closest thing I could find.
• 2 to 3 Tbsp. olive oil
• 2 carrots, peeled and diced
• 2 carrots, peeled and diced
• 1 medium onion, finely diced
• 2 stalks celery, diced
• 2 bay leaves
• 6 cups boiling water mixed with faux-chicken bouillon powder, according to package directions (look for Osem and Telma brands, available in the Kosher section of your supermarket)
• Salt and pepper, to taste
• 1 lb. faux chicken, torn into bite-size chunks (try Worthington’s Chic-Ketts at Kelloggs.com or NoMeat.com)
• 2 Tbsp. fresh parsley, minced
• 1/2 lb. eggless flat noodles (try Mueller’s “dumpling” noodles)
Heat the oil in a large pot over medium heat.
Add the carrots, parsnip, onion, and celery and cook until soft, about 5 minutes.
Add the bay leaves, faux-chicken broth, salt, and pepper to the pot, raise the heat, and bring to a boil. Add the faux-chicken chunks, parsley, and noodles, return the soup to a boil, then reduce the heat and simmer for 10 minutes, until the noodles are tender.
Remove the bay leaves and serve.
Monday, October 19, 2009
How long should I make him wait?
How long should I make him wait?
I realize that this is open for debate, depending on you particular morals and/or religious beliefs. According to Steve Harvey in “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.” You should make him wait at least 90 days. I definitely recommend his book. His reasoning is that when he worked for Ford, they made him wait 90 days for benefits. Many jobs have a three month waiting period before you receive benefits because you need to prove you a good employee. You need to prove that you are trust worthy and you need to earn benefits. How much more important then, to make a man prove himself before receiving “benefits?”
There is a tendency in our culture to rush into physical intimacy. Women are trying so hard to be independent and more “progressive,” that they rush into physical intimacy. Ariel Levy discusses this in her book, “Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture.” Men are not going to respect you if you do not respect yourself and your body. If you rush into a physical relationship men will often disqualify you for a long term relationship.
Now personally, I am not sexually active due to my moral standards and religious beliefs. This is more common than Hollywood would have you believe. I do realize it may be a tougher policy than you are willing to enact. If so, please at least consider the 90 day rule. To paraphrase Sarah Chalke as Dr. Stella Zimmerman in her guest starring role on “How I Met Your Mother,” “Look, Ted, guys regret the girls they didn't sleep with. Girls regret the guys they do sleep with.” Aside from worries about STD’s and pregnancy there are emotional issues as well. When you share something so intimate with someone, a loss of your relationship is going to be even harder.
But we love each other
I am not going to dictate to you what your morals should be. Everyone needs to follow their own path. I have heard the argument that physical intimacy is important because it bonds you closer together. That is very true, and another reason I choose to wait. Physical intimacy can cause a relationship to feel like love when it really isn’t. It also can stop you from connecting on the deeper emotional and mental levels than you should. That physical intimacy can change the focus of your relationship from “getting to know each other” to suddenly being deeply in love. That can cause for unstable bedrock for your relationship.
I realize that this is open for debate, depending on you particular morals and/or religious beliefs. According to Steve Harvey in “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.” You should make him wait at least 90 days. I definitely recommend his book. His reasoning is that when he worked for Ford, they made him wait 90 days for benefits. Many jobs have a three month waiting period before you receive benefits because you need to prove you a good employee. You need to prove that you are trust worthy and you need to earn benefits. How much more important then, to make a man prove himself before receiving “benefits?”
There is a tendency in our culture to rush into physical intimacy. Women are trying so hard to be independent and more “progressive,” that they rush into physical intimacy. Ariel Levy discusses this in her book, “Female Chauvinist Pigs: Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture.” Men are not going to respect you if you do not respect yourself and your body. If you rush into a physical relationship men will often disqualify you for a long term relationship.
Now personally, I am not sexually active due to my moral standards and religious beliefs. This is more common than Hollywood would have you believe. I do realize it may be a tougher policy than you are willing to enact. If so, please at least consider the 90 day rule. To paraphrase Sarah Chalke as Dr. Stella Zimmerman in her guest starring role on “How I Met Your Mother,” “Look, Ted, guys regret the girls they didn't sleep with. Girls regret the guys they do sleep with.” Aside from worries about STD’s and pregnancy there are emotional issues as well. When you share something so intimate with someone, a loss of your relationship is going to be even harder.
But we love each other
I am not going to dictate to you what your morals should be. Everyone needs to follow their own path. I have heard the argument that physical intimacy is important because it bonds you closer together. That is very true, and another reason I choose to wait. Physical intimacy can cause a relationship to feel like love when it really isn’t. It also can stop you from connecting on the deeper emotional and mental levels than you should. That physical intimacy can change the focus of your relationship from “getting to know each other” to suddenly being deeply in love. That can cause for unstable bedrock for your relationship.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Vegan MoFo!
Ok – departure from our normal “relationship” topics in honor of Vegan MoFo!
http://seesaraheat.wordpress.com/2009/10/16/vegan-mofo-my-first-vegan-survey/
I saw this survey over on See Sarah Eat, which I am now going to read everyday – thanks Sarah!
1. Favorite non-dairy milk?
I do not like Soy or Rice milk in general. But chocolate soy milk is ok.
2. What are the top 3 dishes/recipes you are planning to cook?
Moroccan Butternut Squash Stir-Fry
Curried Sweet Potato & Wild Rice Soup
Mediterranean Tuno Salad
3. Topping of choice for popcorn?
Earth Balance Natural Buttery Spread
4. Most disastrous recipe/meal failure?
I made the vegan Macaroni and cheese from Skinny B... and it was pretty meh.
5. Favorite pickled item?
Regular dill pickles – but I love those!
6. How do you organize your recipes?
I have about 10 recipe books, but only two are Vegan! I am recently reformed.
7. Compost, trash, or garbage disposal?
I throw most things away except for glass, plastic and cans which I recycle. I rarely use my garbage disposal.
8. If you were stranded on an island and could only bring 3 foods…what would they be (don’t worry about how you’ll cook them)?
Watermelon, Peanut Butter and Asparagus
9. Fondest food memory from your childhood?
Putting the chocolate stars on Christmas Cookies with Mom and sisters.
10. Favorite vegan ice cream?
I think it’s called Coconut Dream – so good the coconut flavor!
11. Most loved kitchen appliance?
It used to be my coffee been grinder – but now I don’t do coffee. I suppose my food processor.
12. Spice/herb you would die without?
Ooh – I have to pick two – ginger and garlic!
13. Cookbook you have owned for the longest time?
The one my Mom compiled for me from her own recipes. Except now I cannot eat any of them!
14. Favorite flavor of jam/jelly?
Grape
15. Favorite vegan recipe to serve to an omni friend?
I just throw together a mix of Thai Peanut Tofu, carrots, brussel sprouts, onions, mushrooms and any veggies we have (squash and zuccini are delicious) sautee in Peanut Oil and serve over brown rice.
16. Seitan, tofu, or tempeh?
I like tempeh At McFosters Natural Kind Café, but don’t enjoy it when I make it. I like chicken style seitan for my vegan chix noodle soup, but mainly tofu esp House steak.
17. Favorite meal to cook (or time of day to cook)?
Dinner – just because I never have time for Breakfast or Lunch.
18. What is sitting on top of your refrigerator?
Omg – so many things (have two roommates) two pans, cereal, bread, coupons….
19. Name 3 items in your freezer without looking.
Garden Burgers, Sweet potato fries, asparagus
20. What’s on your grocery list?
Various veggies – just went shopping so don’t need too much.
21. Favorite grocery store?
Whole Foods - it just makes me happy to be there!
22. Name a recipe you’d love to veganize, but haven’t yet.
Lasagna – but I’m nervous!
23. Food blog you read the most. Or maybe the top 3?
Vegetarian Frugal Housewife
And I am going to start reading
See Sarah Eat http://seesaraheat.wordpress.com/2009/10/16/vegan-mofo-my-first-vegan-survey/
and her recommended:
Happy Herbivore http://happyherbivore.com/
and Happy Vegan Yogini http://veganyogini.blogspot.com/
24. Favorite vegan candy/chocolate?
:( I haven’t found one yet.
25. Most extravagant food item purchased lately?
Peanut Oil - but totally worth it!
Happy Friday!!
http://seesaraheat.wordpress.com/2009/10/16/vegan-mofo-my-first-vegan-survey/
I saw this survey over on See Sarah Eat, which I am now going to read everyday – thanks Sarah!
1. Favorite non-dairy milk?
I do not like Soy or Rice milk in general. But chocolate soy milk is ok.
2. What are the top 3 dishes/recipes you are planning to cook?
Moroccan Butternut Squash Stir-Fry
Curried Sweet Potato & Wild Rice Soup
Mediterranean Tuno Salad
3. Topping of choice for popcorn?
Earth Balance Natural Buttery Spread
4. Most disastrous recipe/meal failure?
I made the vegan Macaroni and cheese from Skinny B... and it was pretty meh.
5. Favorite pickled item?
Regular dill pickles – but I love those!
6. How do you organize your recipes?
I have about 10 recipe books, but only two are Vegan! I am recently reformed.
7. Compost, trash, or garbage disposal?
I throw most things away except for glass, plastic and cans which I recycle. I rarely use my garbage disposal.
8. If you were stranded on an island and could only bring 3 foods…what would they be (don’t worry about how you’ll cook them)?
Watermelon, Peanut Butter and Asparagus
9. Fondest food memory from your childhood?
Putting the chocolate stars on Christmas Cookies with Mom and sisters.
10. Favorite vegan ice cream?
I think it’s called Coconut Dream – so good the coconut flavor!
11. Most loved kitchen appliance?
It used to be my coffee been grinder – but now I don’t do coffee. I suppose my food processor.
12. Spice/herb you would die without?
Ooh – I have to pick two – ginger and garlic!
13. Cookbook you have owned for the longest time?
The one my Mom compiled for me from her own recipes. Except now I cannot eat any of them!
14. Favorite flavor of jam/jelly?
Grape
15. Favorite vegan recipe to serve to an omni friend?
I just throw together a mix of Thai Peanut Tofu, carrots, brussel sprouts, onions, mushrooms and any veggies we have (squash and zuccini are delicious) sautee in Peanut Oil and serve over brown rice.
16. Seitan, tofu, or tempeh?
I like tempeh At McFosters Natural Kind Café, but don’t enjoy it when I make it. I like chicken style seitan for my vegan chix noodle soup, but mainly tofu esp House steak.
17. Favorite meal to cook (or time of day to cook)?
Dinner – just because I never have time for Breakfast or Lunch.
18. What is sitting on top of your refrigerator?
Omg – so many things (have two roommates) two pans, cereal, bread, coupons….
19. Name 3 items in your freezer without looking.
Garden Burgers, Sweet potato fries, asparagus
20. What’s on your grocery list?
Various veggies – just went shopping so don’t need too much.
21. Favorite grocery store?
Whole Foods - it just makes me happy to be there!
22. Name a recipe you’d love to veganize, but haven’t yet.
Lasagna – but I’m nervous!
23. Food blog you read the most. Or maybe the top 3?
Vegetarian Frugal Housewife
And I am going to start reading
See Sarah Eat http://seesaraheat.wordpress.com/2009/10/16/vegan-mofo-my-first-vegan-survey/
and her recommended:
Happy Herbivore http://happyherbivore.com/
and Happy Vegan Yogini http://veganyogini.blogspot.com/
24. Favorite vegan candy/chocolate?
:( I haven’t found one yet.
25. Most extravagant food item purchased lately?
Peanut Oil - but totally worth it!
Happy Friday!!
Keep your boy friend close and your girl friends closer
Recently I was in a (I thought) happy and successful relationship. Recently I was broken up with. Honestly, it was like a scene out of Bridget Jones (book not movie – although I love both). Within 10 minutes of receiving my text my lovely friends were at my apartment.
Even in the midst of a successful relationship maintaining a close network of friends is crucial. You need them. I mean, who else is going to tell you that skirt you love so much does nothing for your figure? Or that getting a perm is a terrible idea? Also, you need the emotional support outside of your SO. I do not recommend getting lost in the relationship. I have known too many people who have made that mistake, and then when the relationship ends there is no one to turn to.
I realize that I am very blessed with both an incredible group of smart, beautiful, amazing women and a very close and supportive family. It’s almost over whelming if I think about what my life would be like without them. I did live away for a few years so I know what it was like to not be with family/friends, but I still had the network. And when I moved home it was right there waiting.
I am so glad that I retained those relationships both while away, and then when in a relationship. There can be some hurt feelings if you constantly blow off your group. Eventually, they will stop asking you. I realize that is hurtful, but you have to understand if a friend constantly rejected your offers to hang out, you would stop calling too. All too often a friend that is never available will complain about never being invited out, and I will (gently, always gently) point out that they never come out anyway.
Please note ladies, when a friend starts complaining about never being invited out, start inviting her! I realize you may be hurt that they are too busy for you, but put yourself in her position. We have all been in that unhealthy consuming love where we forget to come up for air.
In fact, let this statement stand alone. Always, try to put yourself in the other person’s position. Try to see why they act the way they do. I am not saying that should let you excuse dangerous, harmful, or hurtful behavior. What I am saying is that it will help you to understand their behavior. Everyone is unique to start with and then everyone comes from a unique past. These differences are exponential and that is why people often react to things quite differently.
Love,
Me.
Even in the midst of a successful relationship maintaining a close network of friends is crucial. You need them. I mean, who else is going to tell you that skirt you love so much does nothing for your figure? Or that getting a perm is a terrible idea? Also, you need the emotional support outside of your SO. I do not recommend getting lost in the relationship. I have known too many people who have made that mistake, and then when the relationship ends there is no one to turn to.
I realize that I am very blessed with both an incredible group of smart, beautiful, amazing women and a very close and supportive family. It’s almost over whelming if I think about what my life would be like without them. I did live away for a few years so I know what it was like to not be with family/friends, but I still had the network. And when I moved home it was right there waiting.
I am so glad that I retained those relationships both while away, and then when in a relationship. There can be some hurt feelings if you constantly blow off your group. Eventually, they will stop asking you. I realize that is hurtful, but you have to understand if a friend constantly rejected your offers to hang out, you would stop calling too. All too often a friend that is never available will complain about never being invited out, and I will (gently, always gently) point out that they never come out anyway.
Please note ladies, when a friend starts complaining about never being invited out, start inviting her! I realize you may be hurt that they are too busy for you, but put yourself in her position. We have all been in that unhealthy consuming love where we forget to come up for air.
In fact, let this statement stand alone. Always, try to put yourself in the other person’s position. Try to see why they act the way they do. I am not saying that should let you excuse dangerous, harmful, or hurtful behavior. What I am saying is that it will help you to understand their behavior. Everyone is unique to start with and then everyone comes from a unique past. These differences are exponential and that is why people often react to things quite differently.
Love,
Me.
So I’m finally in a Relationship, but I’m not happy.
Please do not think a relationship is your ticket to an immediate “happily ever after.” Relationships can be incredibly rewarding, but are a lot of work. You should analyze the reasons for your unhappiness. Is it the relationship, work, internal, other stress? If you are unhappy and stressed with your own life, getting into a relationship will not fix that. In order to have a happy functional relationship you need to be satisfied with your own life, spiritually, physically and mentally.
If you are truly unhappy and you think it may be the relationship then it is time for introspection. Is ending the relationship going to eliminate stress from your life? Do you think the unhappiness of ending the relationship will be less than the happiness of being free? If so, then you may at the very least want to take a break. Also, be sure you have been clear with communicating with your SO (Significant Other). If something very specific is bothering you, tell them. Maybe it is something they can change. However, if they are mistreating you then you should extricate yourself posthaste!
If you are being mistreated to the point of abuse (mentally and/or physically) please get help and get out. There are many service organizations in your area that can help. Also, read “The Gift of Fear,” by Gavin de Becker as I mentioned in a previous entry. I love you and I want you to be safe and happy.
If you are truly unhappy and you think it may be the relationship then it is time for introspection. Is ending the relationship going to eliminate stress from your life? Do you think the unhappiness of ending the relationship will be less than the happiness of being free? If so, then you may at the very least want to take a break. Also, be sure you have been clear with communicating with your SO (Significant Other). If something very specific is bothering you, tell them. Maybe it is something they can change. However, if they are mistreating you then you should extricate yourself posthaste!
If you are being mistreated to the point of abuse (mentally and/or physically) please get help and get out. There are many service organizations in your area that can help. Also, read “The Gift of Fear,” by Gavin de Becker as I mentioned in a previous entry. I love you and I want you to be safe and happy.
Friday, October 9, 2009
What if I am not feeling an instant connection?
What if I am not feeling an instant connection? Give him a chance, you could be missing out on an incredible guy. You know how the more you know someone they either get more or less attractive? Think of your girl friends, you think they are all beautiful but did you immediately? I’ll never tell! (But seriously, I hang with some foxy ladies). Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time a beautiful young lady was dating a nice young man. The man was bright and kind and thought he was very funny. He wasn’t very exciting and there weren’t a lot of sparks. In fact, she thought he was a little boring, and not funny at all. But the young lady did not have any other suitors so she allowed the courtship to continue. One day, they went on a trip together with friends. On that trip she suddenly realized that without even knowing it she had fallen head over heels with her boring suitor. In fact, she now found him funny and charming and his quirks endearing. They were married for more than 50 years until he passed away and she still refers to him as the love of her life and best friend. My bff, T always says, “remember, if you marry a hot guy now that you can’t talk to and isn’t nice to you what do you have in 30 years? An old man who you can’t talk to and still isn’t nice to you. But if you marry a decent man who’s less than attractive, well he will still be a decent man when you’re old. And still interesting. What if I am still not feeling a connection Unfortunately, not everyone is someone you will be attracted to. It is very sad when you should, on paper, be perfect for each other but it just won’t work. But there is probably a reason you just haven’t figured out yet why he is not right for you. Remember, trust your instincts but often your learned behavior will lead you astray. Refer back to “He’s Just not that Into You.” Beware “the spark!” It is dangerous and can lead you astray!
So, I think he’s a stalker, what do I do?
So, I think he’s a stalker, what do I do?
You don’t know this yet, but I used to be a police dispatcher on a college campus. So this is something we dealt with constantly. If you didn’t run out and get it before, go get “The Gift of Fear.” Have you read it yet? Ok continue.
J Just kidding. I know you are finishing this post. But really do read the book – I want the best for you ladies and your safety is paramount.
Women are trained to be polite and we want to let people down gently. Now, this is general good practice, but not when you have a stalker. In any situation you want to be very clear when you do not want to continue a relationship. No matter the stage. You should not be cruel, because that can fuel a stalkers obsession and anger. But very clearly state that you are not interested in pursuing a relationship and tell him not to contact you. Do not engage in any further debate. And then the most important thing is non engagement. He will still try to contact you. He is a stalker for goodness sakes. Change your voicemail to a number or non personal message so he can’t hear your name or voice. Do not believe him when he leaves messages “just to talk” or similar. You must never, ever have contact in any way with him again. I am not saying you need to change your number. That will just encourage him to track it down and make him angry. If you never have contact with him again, eventually he will move on. Simple as that. Now, it is more difficult if he knows where you work or live. Just make sure you have been clear and do not engage. That will start the cycle all over again.
Please note that these rules are for preventing a full blown stalker. If you feel like you are in danger or they have been violent that is a very different situation. I hope that is not the case. I love you so much and want you to be safe and happy.
You don’t know this yet, but I used to be a police dispatcher on a college campus. So this is something we dealt with constantly. If you didn’t run out and get it before, go get “The Gift of Fear.” Have you read it yet? Ok continue.
J Just kidding. I know you are finishing this post. But really do read the book – I want the best for you ladies and your safety is paramount.
Women are trained to be polite and we want to let people down gently. Now, this is general good practice, but not when you have a stalker. In any situation you want to be very clear when you do not want to continue a relationship. No matter the stage. You should not be cruel, because that can fuel a stalkers obsession and anger. But very clearly state that you are not interested in pursuing a relationship and tell him not to contact you. Do not engage in any further debate. And then the most important thing is non engagement. He will still try to contact you. He is a stalker for goodness sakes. Change your voicemail to a number or non personal message so he can’t hear your name or voice. Do not believe him when he leaves messages “just to talk” or similar. You must never, ever have contact in any way with him again. I am not saying you need to change your number. That will just encourage him to track it down and make him angry. If you never have contact with him again, eventually he will move on. Simple as that. Now, it is more difficult if he knows where you work or live. Just make sure you have been clear and do not engage. That will start the cycle all over again.
Please note that these rules are for preventing a full blown stalker. If you feel like you are in danger or they have been violent that is a very different situation. I hope that is not the case. I love you so much and want you to be safe and happy.
Is he a stalker
Is he a stalker
Yes. Run away! Remember – trust your instincts. My lovely and talented friend is doing internet dating. I think internet dating is a great idea as long as you are very careful. It takes the “I don’t know you factor up about 100 points.” But more on this later! Back on the topic of said lovely and talented friend.
She is awesome so the boys are just generally all over her kool-aid. Unfortunately, that attention is not always good. Fortunately, she is very smart and cautious. She doesn’t give out her last name, email or phone number right away. They meet places instead of riding together and they go to public places. Until he has proved himself unscary of course.
My friend has already met at least one stalker from her on-line dating pool. Since she followed safe practices she is no danger. At least of anything except annoyance. He does have her phone number, which is really unavoidable once you meet, sadly. But a little annoyance is ok, as long as you are not in danger. He doesn’t know where she lives, or how to find her so she is safe.
If he is being weird and possessive or angry and scary too soon run away. If he is controlling run away. If he is rude to servers or cashiers or anyone in the service industry, run away. If he is mean to animals or children or people in general run away. If he tries to make you feel guilty for not giving personal information, run away. Do not let someone pressure you into abandoning safe practices. Trust your instincts! Do not be afraid to let someone walk away. You do not want that one anyway.
Yes. Run away! Remember – trust your instincts. My lovely and talented friend is doing internet dating. I think internet dating is a great idea as long as you are very careful. It takes the “I don’t know you factor up about 100 points.” But more on this later! Back on the topic of said lovely and talented friend.
She is awesome so the boys are just generally all over her kool-aid. Unfortunately, that attention is not always good. Fortunately, she is very smart and cautious. She doesn’t give out her last name, email or phone number right away. They meet places instead of riding together and they go to public places. Until he has proved himself unscary of course.
My friend has already met at least one stalker from her on-line dating pool. Since she followed safe practices she is no danger. At least of anything except annoyance. He does have her phone number, which is really unavoidable once you meet, sadly. But a little annoyance is ok, as long as you are not in danger. He doesn’t know where she lives, or how to find her so she is safe.
If he is being weird and possessive or angry and scary too soon run away. If he is controlling run away. If he is rude to servers or cashiers or anyone in the service industry, run away. If he is mean to animals or children or people in general run away. If he tries to make you feel guilty for not giving personal information, run away. Do not let someone pressure you into abandoning safe practices. Trust your instincts! Do not be afraid to let someone walk away. You do not want that one anyway.
But I love him!
But I love him!
Anytime you have to utter those words in response to anything – run away! Please! I am not doing a full post on this. Maybe later I can compose one without ranting and/or lecturing. Please do not let me catch you saying those words. It is self-indulgent and self-destructive to give into those feelings. Now, don’t think I don’t understand your feelings. I do. I have been there. It’s painful and sad, but if he’s not treating you right it doesn’t matter how much you love him. That will not change his behavior. And he may very well love you too – maybe he’s just a: lazy, rude, ignorant jerk. To quote my sister, “I can find some one hot and rich to treat me badly, why do you get to be the one?” Kick him to the curb ladies.
Anytime you have to utter those words in response to anything – run away! Please! I am not doing a full post on this. Maybe later I can compose one without ranting and/or lecturing. Please do not let me catch you saying those words. It is self-indulgent and self-destructive to give into those feelings. Now, don’t think I don’t understand your feelings. I do. I have been there. It’s painful and sad, but if he’s not treating you right it doesn’t matter how much you love him. That will not change his behavior. And he may very well love you too – maybe he’s just a: lazy, rude, ignorant jerk. To quote my sister, “I can find some one hot and rich to treat me badly, why do you get to be the one?” Kick him to the curb ladies.
Now that I have date – help!
Now that I have date – help!
Dating is tricky and awkward at best. If you are out with someone for the first time that you don’t really know, it should be a little awkward. Not painfully so – but if he is really smooth, umm hello – he’s smooth for a reason. He’s had way too much practice! He probably only goes on first dates! Or only goes on dates long enough to get you to sleep with him. The rule ladies, is respect yourselves and trust your instincts.
If you don’t think you have good instincts, read, “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker immediately! (Please don’t think I am expecting you to run out and buy a million books. Go to the library – right now! If you don’t like to read they have DVD’s, CD’s and books on tape and CD. It is free and if you live in a city you can usually make your request on-line and then pick up your holds without looking through the endless stacks!). He basically says that if you think someone is creepy, they probably are. Run away!
Dating is tricky and awkward at best. If you are out with someone for the first time that you don’t really know, it should be a little awkward. Not painfully so – but if he is really smooth, umm hello – he’s smooth for a reason. He’s had way too much practice! He probably only goes on first dates! Or only goes on dates long enough to get you to sleep with him. The rule ladies, is respect yourselves and trust your instincts.
If you don’t think you have good instincts, read, “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker immediately! (Please don’t think I am expecting you to run out and buy a million books. Go to the library – right now! If you don’t like to read they have DVD’s, CD’s and books on tape and CD. It is free and if you live in a city you can usually make your request on-line and then pick up your holds without looking through the endless stacks!). He basically says that if you think someone is creepy, they probably are. Run away!
Relationship advice is all well and good – but how do I meet someone?
Relationship advice is all well and good – but how do I meet someone?
Meeting someone! Oh the horror. It’s no wonder we continue to date our current idiots. The devil you know as they say. We have spent weeks, months, years even making these “men” comfortable or at least bearable. We are used to their problems and sketchy behavior. And starting a new relationship is so much work; you have to start all over again from scratch and who knows if it is even worth the effort or will work out? I am exhausted just thinking about it.
Before you can even begin to worry about any of that (not that it will stop you!); you do have to meet someone. I have to admit, I am terrible at this. When I go out and about I am not trying to meet anyone, ever. I am going because I love to play and be with my friends and meet new friends. But I am not trying to meet a new boy. Even when single. ;) It is a pretty big flaw in my game. Some girls, however, are fantastic. I give my bff T. the award for picking up guys. Even now that she is married (completely happily and faithfully I promise) she still retains her mad skills. She doesn’t use those skills anymore, except for the greater good.
Here is her game, it is simple yet effective. When you are out, pay attention (my number one flaw). You never know who is checking you out. Watch for signs, scan the room. When you see someone you are interested in looking, catch their eye briefly, smile (not crazily – don’t be creepy!). Then later make your way to their area, say something witty maybe touch their arm and then walk away. If they like you they come talk to you. Note – without this assurance a [nice] man will never, ever come talk to in the midst of your girl friends. That is terrifying for him. Unless he is: intoxicated, slimy, desparate or stupid this will not happen (until about 12:30 or later, of by then he is all four). Try to stand near the edge of the group if you want to be approached. Or better yet, wait by the bar. When he does come to talk to you, feel free to give out your number but do not go home with him! If this is confusing for you go read Steve Harvey’s book, “Act like a Lady, Think like a Man,” immediately!
If he tries to get you to come home with him
That’s ok. Just don’t go! You don’t know this guy for goodness sakes! Not to make you completely paranoid but he could be a crazy psycho killer. Also, are you intoxicated? Your dream honey that you just picked up (even though he thinks it was all him) may not be such a dream. Check your sources, see if anyone knows him. You probably only have a first name so you can’t google or facebook check him, unless you have a mutual friend. Grill them for information. The more you know and all that.
If you can’t find out anything and he calls you for a date? Awesome! Go! But drive separately and meet somewhere public.
Meeting someone! Oh the horror. It’s no wonder we continue to date our current idiots. The devil you know as they say. We have spent weeks, months, years even making these “men” comfortable or at least bearable. We are used to their problems and sketchy behavior. And starting a new relationship is so much work; you have to start all over again from scratch and who knows if it is even worth the effort or will work out? I am exhausted just thinking about it.
Before you can even begin to worry about any of that (not that it will stop you!); you do have to meet someone. I have to admit, I am terrible at this. When I go out and about I am not trying to meet anyone, ever. I am going because I love to play and be with my friends and meet new friends. But I am not trying to meet a new boy. Even when single. ;) It is a pretty big flaw in my game. Some girls, however, are fantastic. I give my bff T. the award for picking up guys. Even now that she is married (completely happily and faithfully I promise) she still retains her mad skills. She doesn’t use those skills anymore, except for the greater good.
Here is her game, it is simple yet effective. When you are out, pay attention (my number one flaw). You never know who is checking you out. Watch for signs, scan the room. When you see someone you are interested in looking, catch their eye briefly, smile (not crazily – don’t be creepy!). Then later make your way to their area, say something witty maybe touch their arm and then walk away. If they like you they come talk to you. Note – without this assurance a [nice] man will never, ever come talk to in the midst of your girl friends. That is terrifying for him. Unless he is: intoxicated, slimy, desparate or stupid this will not happen (until about 12:30 or later, of by then he is all four). Try to stand near the edge of the group if you want to be approached. Or better yet, wait by the bar. When he does come to talk to you, feel free to give out your number but do not go home with him! If this is confusing for you go read Steve Harvey’s book, “Act like a Lady, Think like a Man,” immediately!
If he tries to get you to come home with him
That’s ok. Just don’t go! You don’t know this guy for goodness sakes! Not to make you completely paranoid but he could be a crazy psycho killer. Also, are you intoxicated? Your dream honey that you just picked up (even though he thinks it was all him) may not be such a dream. Check your sources, see if anyone knows him. You probably only have a first name so you can’t google or facebook check him, unless you have a mutual friend. Grill them for information. The more you know and all that.
If you can’t find out anything and he calls you for a date? Awesome! Go! But drive separately and meet somewhere public.
Hello Dear Readers
Hello Dear Readers,
I hope you know I already love you and want the very best for you in everything, not just in relationships.
I am writing this at the request of my wonderful group of girl friends. I find nothing sadder or more frustrating than seeing women make the same mistakes, time after time. My dear friends S. and M. G. esp. have told me many times to write a book, but instead they get this – a blog!
My references and source materials are primarily, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, “ Steve Harvey; “Female Chauvanist Pigs: Rise of the Raunch Culture,” Ariel Levy; “He’s Just Not that Into You,” Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo; and “The Rules,” Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. Wait, wait wait! Don’t stop reading just because I mentioned that last one! All of these books have flaws and need to be tempered with your own wisdom and that of family and friends. Which leads me to my personal sources; my mother, sisters and bff T.
So, your girl friend has finally broken up with that dirt bag loser.
Judge not lest ye shall be judged. Ladies, please do not judge each other. Nothing hurts me more than seeing women make the same mistake time after time in relationships. However, it is important to remember that everyone comes from their own unique set of circumstances. Also, you do not know the whole story of someone else’s relationship. Empathize – yes, sympathize – yes, offer advice – yes, but never lecture or judge. If you have some tough love to give, careful. We know when we are being foolish, but we will ignore our common sense and defend our position to the end.
No matter how angry, fed up, over it your friend claims to be, her heart is still very fragile. The natural reaction is to tell her what a loser, dirt bag idiot said male was. But this is the same male whose actions you have been helping justify and explain and rationalize the whole time they were together (we will revisit this in a later posting be assured). And all of the sudden now you tell her how and why you hate the moron? Then, what happens when she goes back to the idiot? You are left in a very awkward postion. Your friend no longer feels comfortable telling you about the relationship and has lost an important confidant.
This is a fine line to tread. Especially when for the 500th time your lovely and talented friend goes back to her grubby, loser going nowhere idiot. I can’t count the number of times I have said to different friends, “well if you go back to him I don’t want to hear you complain.” And she says, “it’s different this time, he knows I’ll really leave and he’s changed/committed/stopped drinking/smoking/cheating….” Then when he’s comfortable again it all starts back up.
This is when I evolved my “non-involvement” policy. I listen, empathize, maybe offer advice but do not judge or lecture. This girl will have to either learn on her own or not. There is nothing you can do but be supportive. But that doesn’t mean make excuses for his behavior or rationalizing! Read, “He’s just not that into you!” Your girl friends, who should be your best allies, want to make you feel better so will help you make any number of excuses for your own idiot’s poor behavior. I will lecture you about this later. :)See – I am writing this so I get to lecture!
I hope you know I already love you and want the very best for you in everything, not just in relationships.
I am writing this at the request of my wonderful group of girl friends. I find nothing sadder or more frustrating than seeing women make the same mistakes, time after time. My dear friends S. and M. G. esp. have told me many times to write a book, but instead they get this – a blog!
My references and source materials are primarily, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, “ Steve Harvey; “Female Chauvanist Pigs: Rise of the Raunch Culture,” Ariel Levy; “He’s Just Not that Into You,” Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo; and “The Rules,” Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. Wait, wait wait! Don’t stop reading just because I mentioned that last one! All of these books have flaws and need to be tempered with your own wisdom and that of family and friends. Which leads me to my personal sources; my mother, sisters and bff T.
So, your girl friend has finally broken up with that dirt bag loser.
Judge not lest ye shall be judged. Ladies, please do not judge each other. Nothing hurts me more than seeing women make the same mistake time after time in relationships. However, it is important to remember that everyone comes from their own unique set of circumstances. Also, you do not know the whole story of someone else’s relationship. Empathize – yes, sympathize – yes, offer advice – yes, but never lecture or judge. If you have some tough love to give, careful. We know when we are being foolish, but we will ignore our common sense and defend our position to the end.
No matter how angry, fed up, over it your friend claims to be, her heart is still very fragile. The natural reaction is to tell her what a loser, dirt bag idiot said male was. But this is the same male whose actions you have been helping justify and explain and rationalize the whole time they were together (we will revisit this in a later posting be assured). And all of the sudden now you tell her how and why you hate the moron? Then, what happens when she goes back to the idiot? You are left in a very awkward postion. Your friend no longer feels comfortable telling you about the relationship and has lost an important confidant.
This is a fine line to tread. Especially when for the 500th time your lovely and talented friend goes back to her grubby, loser going nowhere idiot. I can’t count the number of times I have said to different friends, “well if you go back to him I don’t want to hear you complain.” And she says, “it’s different this time, he knows I’ll really leave and he’s changed/committed/stopped drinking/smoking/cheating….” Then when he’s comfortable again it all starts back up.
This is when I evolved my “non-involvement” policy. I listen, empathize, maybe offer advice but do not judge or lecture. This girl will have to either learn on her own or not. There is nothing you can do but be supportive. But that doesn’t mean make excuses for his behavior or rationalizing! Read, “He’s just not that into you!” Your girl friends, who should be your best allies, want to make you feel better so will help you make any number of excuses for your own idiot’s poor behavior. I will lecture you about this later. :)See – I am writing this so I get to lecture!
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